Where do I begin?

It is so easy to pretend that we are something that we are not. We like to portray an image of who we are to others: to our friends, acquaintances, strangers, to God and even to ourselves. It is often so much easier to live a life of pretence than to face the reality of who we are and the circumstances that surround us. Obviously, our society encourages this by bombarding us with opportunities to escape – whether it be through movies, binge-watching tv series, unending opportunities to lose ourselves in books, gaming, or any other form of entertainment. And our online image can be so divorced from the reality of who we are that we can fool the world into thinking that we are someone other than ourselves.

I am not trying to condemn the entertainment industry or the need for relaxation in a life full of stress and busyness. I am aware of the need in my own life to take time to relax, to sit, and to rest, things I don’t find easy to do.

But, aside from that disclaimer, is there a problem with all of this? Is there a problem with pretending to be something other than we actually are? With all this pretence have we lost any understanding of who we are anyway?

I wonder if the problem with this is far more significant than we imagine, and that it has profound ramifications for how we live with those around us. Both in the way we relate to others, but, in particular, in the way we relate to God. In my own experience, I have found that it is when I have been willing to drop my pretences that I have met God. What is more, the degree that I am prepared to do this has a direct relationship to the depth of encounter that I have with him.

This may sound obvious and perhaps even simple, but it certainly has not been so for me. Instead, this has been a path of pain, regret, anguish, fear and embarrassment. I have found myself profoundly afraid that God would reject me if he knew who I really was. That he couldn’t love me if he knew my heart, my sins, my inadequacies and my failings.  As part of that process, in choosing to drop my pretence, there have been times when I have felt compelled to bring others in. To let them see the mess that exists in my heart and mind. And so the fear of rejection has been compounded by worrying about what others might think. Somehow that has made it all the more real and all the more difficult.

But it has been worth it.

Absolutely.

For this is what I have found: I have found that God does not reject me. He does not walk away from me. He does not ridicule. He does not condemn.

Instead,

he stoops,

he bends,

he wipes my tears,

he picks me up,

he welcomes me.

I have found that in my willingness to be honest with who I am and where I am at, I find that I meet God. I meet the God that I have always longed for, and the God who I have only had the faintest inkling of. For this God, he is like no other.

To know him is worth any price I have to pay.

This all reminds me of a beautiful book by C.S. Lewis, ‘Till We Have Faces’. If you haven’t read it, you should, though I will not tell you what it is about, only that it is a magnificent story by one of my favourite storytellers. And I think it has something to do with what we have been discussing. In that book, he writes,

“I have said that she had no face; but that meant she had a thousand faces”.

Let us choose to be the people that we are. Even if we have no idea who that person actually is. Let us have the courage to drop our pretense with God and maybe even with others. And let us start today.

Lord Jesus, sometimes when we look at ourselves, if we dare to do so, we do not like what we see. We are afraid that you will not like us either. And we want to hide, we want to be anything but who we are. But Lord Jesus, we want to know you. We long for you, and we know that you call us to come to you. That you call us, and not who we want to be. So we choose to come. We choose to lay ourselves at your feet. As we do so may we find you. Amen

So how about you? Is this something you have had to face in your own life? What have you found out about God in the process? Or is this something you need to do?

Feel free to comment below, or to contact us at any time. If you subscribe to our blog, you will be notified when new posts are available, and/or follow us on Instagram.