As those of you who have followed this blog for some time will know, I have been making my way, albeit slowly, through the book of John this year. But now I find myself nearing the end. And so as I was reading, John chapter 20, this week the following passage leapt out at me.
Mary stood weeping outside the tomb. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb; and she saw two angels in white, sitting where the body of Jesus had been lying, one at the head and the other at the feet. They said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping?” She said to them, “They have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid him.”
When she had said this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not know that it was Jesus. Jesus said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you looking for?” Supposing him to be the gardener, she said to him, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have laid him, and I will take him away.” Jesus said to her, “Mary!” She turned and said to him in Hebrew, “Rabbouni!” (which means Teacher).
John 20: 11-16
This story takes my breath away. I love this account. The beauty of it. Her grief and her sorrow at losing the one that she loved. Her courage in going to that place, staying there and in what she says. I love the tender way that Jesus speaks to her. And then the moment of recognition. It is a precious moment in time recorded for us to cherish and to hold.
But I wonder as I read this, do we miss when Jesus is speaking to us? Do we fail to hear what he is saying, or who it is who is speaking? Are there times when I am so consumed by my own feelings or thoughts that I cannot see who is addressing me? Maybe I am just too busy, simply rushing from one thing to another and so never creating the time and space into which he can speak.
Truthfully, this is one of my great fears, that I will not hear what Jesus is saying. That I will not recognise him when he is standing right in front of me. And so this has become one of my most frequent prayers,
Lord Jesus, may I never miss what you are saying.
I do my best to carve out time and space to sit with Jesus. To wait for him. To ask him what is on his heart, what is on his mind, and what it is that he wishes to say to me. Some days I do this better than others. My early mornings, hopefully long before anyone else in my home is stirring, are treasured moments where I can sit and chat with him. These are times that I cling to and jealously guard. But they are not enough. For I long to hear him throughout my day, moment by moment. When I am busy, when I am with others, when many voices are clamouring for my attention. I long to cultivate a quietness of spirit into which the words of Christ ring loud and clear.
A while back, Marion wrote a fantastic post on ‘the hope of the practice of the presence of God‘. If you are yet to read it, please do so. It is into this territory that I am daring to delve, however imperfectly I do so.
I suspect that this is not the journey of a moment but instead is the product of a lifetime. And yet, the choices that I make now are essential. For they determine the path that I am walking upon. For better, or for worse, they direct my steps. I have tried many different things to encourage this sensitivity in my life. Most of which I have been unable to sustain for very long, and perhaps they have had little impact on me as a result. But the question still remains, what can I do to encourage this in my life? Maybe the answer for each of us will be different.
But somehow, I think, we must hold the goal in front of us. We must regularly question where we stand, what direction we are moving in. We must honestly confront ourselves, and we must ask what we could do differently.
Lord Jesus, may we never miss what you are saying. May we always see when you are the one speaking to us. When you are standing right in front of us. What do you want to say to me right here and now? Amen
What practices have you found helpful as you have sought to walk with Jesus throughout your day? Is there something the Lord is prompting you to take up or to set aside, in order to create more time and space for this in your life? What is Jesus saying to you?
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