I wonder if often we distil our relationship with God into a transactional relationship? If we develop a formula for the spiritual life? We listen to God, we read our Bible, and we do what he says. But is there a danger in such thinking? We can come to understand God as a slot machine – I ask him for something, he gives me an answer; I listen to him, he tells me what to do – and we can forget that there is more. God is not looking for robots who simply do his will. He wants children.
Not that such thinking is wrong, to begin with. Perhaps we all start here. But as we journey on, as we mature into people who are more like Jesus, I wonder if he beckons us further and deeper. That the call is always to deeper discipleship, and that we are to be dissatisfied with anything less.
About a year ago, God spoke to me in a vision. I share it with you now with a degree of trepidation, but I do so because it directly relates to this and, perhaps, it may be of some help.
It was in the very early hours of the morning when I woke up and could not go back to sleep. As I was lying in bed the following unfolded…
I was in a desert – it was bleak, dusty, sandy, hot and dry. As I walked, the sun beat down upon me, and I became increasingly thirsty. I was desperate for water. In the distance, I saw something emerge. It was indistinct, blurring into the sparseness of this place, but I made my way towards it nonetheless.
From a distance there appeared to be a mound of rock and stone. As I neared, I realised they were set in a circle, in what seemed to be an ancient well. But there was no bucket, nothing to reach any possible water with. It had the appearance of something forgotten, for it looked like it had not been used for a long, long time.
I gazed into that well, but all that could be seen was inky blackness. Perhaps there was water at the bottom, but if there was, it could not be seen.
As I stood there, leaning on the side of this well, God spoke. He said to me, “I want you to go into the well”. Panic seized me, how could I do that? How could I go into this well? The sides were smooth, there was no possible way to climb into this well. It would be a fall to my death. So I said what is clearly the most obvious thing to say. I said, “Ok, but can I go feet first?” And the Lord replied, “No! I want you to go headfirst. I want you to dive in.”
I didn’t think of going elsewhere. Of running away. Of hiding somewhere in this desert. I guess that is not how visions work. I knew what God was asking of me. And I knew that I would do it.
But I couldn’t.
I stood on the edge of the well, gazing down and trembling with fear. This well was dark, narrow, confined, there would be no way out. And to go headfirst? That meant I was going to die. I could never turn around, never somehow get back for air once I actually hit the water. If indeed there was water at the bottom. And, silly as it may sound, the following fears assailed me, I don’t particularly like narrow, confined spaces. I don’t like the dark. And I absolutely hate the feeling of falling.
So I stood there, shaking. After quite some time I whispered, hesitatingly, “the answer is yes”. And as I stood there, I repeated this over and over again with more and more force.
But still, I remained, rooted to the spot.
Strangely enough, as I stood there, I had the realisation that this was not going to be a one-time deal. I was going to have to do this time and time again. I also had the sense that perhaps in the future, I would enter this well far faster, far more willingly. Maybe one day I would run to this well and dive in. But this time was going to be more of a fall than a dive.
Then suddenly I was falling. I was falling into this well headfirst. And it was everything I thought it would be. It was dark, narrow, confined, cold, and I was falling faster and faster. It was absolutely terrifying.
But then, slowly, something changed. I wasn’t falling as fast. The air was warming. My eyes were still screwed tightly shut, but I had the sense that it wasn’t as dark.
And just as things can change quickly in dreams and visions, I found myself sliding down a slide, feet first to the sound of laughter. Both mine and that of another.
I slid down the slide and discovered that I was dressed in a beautiful dress of white, a silver key hanging around my neck. And Jesus stood at the bottom arms outstretched, laughing. I ran to Jesus, and he caught me in his arms, lifted me in the air and embraced me saying, “Well done!”
After a while, I asked him, “Lord, what is this key for?” And he said to me, “It is the key to the heart of the Father. It opens many doors”.
This vision is, I feel, a long-winded way of saying what Jesus said to his disciples,
They who have my commandments and keep them are those who love me; and those who loved me will be loved by my Father, and I will love them and reveal myself to them.
John 14: 21
Indeed, this has been my experience. As I grow deeper in fellowship with God, he calls me to do things I find terrifying. He asks me to trust him again and again, often, usually in fact, I have no idea how something will work out. Falling into the well is always frightening. Sometimes the struggle to actually leap in is intense. But at the same time, God has revealed himself to me more and more with each step of faith that I take. It seems to me that obedience and revelation go hand in hand.
So is there a formula for the spiritual life? Is there a way to grow deeper in relationship with the God of all creation?
I have found that intimacy grows in deep communion and resolute obedience. May we each learn to welcome the call of Christ, wherever that leads, and may we always find ourselves caught in his embrace.
Lord Jesus, you linked love and obedience. And you are the one who calls us deeper and deeper into relationship with you. Often I lack courage, what you ask can seem scary, frightening, even impossible at times. Help me, help us, to say yes to you every time. May we be people who find you and know you more and more day by day. Amen
So how about you? Have you found this to be true in your life? How willing are you to leap into the wells he places before you?
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