Fruitfulness? Significance? Where do I set my sights?

For much of my life, I have felt the compulsion, and the longing, to do stuff for God. But I have also struggled with the profound sense that what I do is not enough. Indeed, the Bible is filled with passages about fruitfulness, and good trees bearing good fruit. How am I to be a good tree? If a tree is known by its fruit then I better produce good fruit, but how do I to do that? And what kind of fruit is good fruit anyway? The only way I have been able to reconcile such thoughts is to do, and to do, and to do. To do something, anything, for God. But how do I know I am doing it for him? After all, what makes an action a God-centred action rather than just a me-centred action?

The more I think about fruitfulness, the more I wonder, do we equate fruitfulness with significance? Do I confuse my thoughts on fruitfulness by giving a spiritual framework to my innately human cry for significance? My deep yearning to leave a mark on this world and to not be forgotten?

And then I look at my life’s circumstances.

As someone who yearns to do what is right, who hates to let people down, I have struggled immensely with this. I have four young children, who are wonderful gifts from God. I am incredibly grateful for each of them. But I have found that being a mother has severely limited my capacity to do “stuff” for God. Particularly for the many months that I was extremely ill with what is so ridiculously termed “morning” sickness (at least in my experience), and when then later after they were born and yet still tiny. In these times, my world was severely limited and narrow, even my capacity to spend time with God was severely curtailed. Certainly, I could not partake in the rhythms that bring life to my soul. To be honest, there were months where I could not even stand up, let alone have a meaningful conversation with God.

I know for many of you reading this your experience will be far different, and I do not want to alienate you. But I expect that all of you will have had times in your life in which you have struggled with at least some of the following: busyness, distraction, worry, health struggles, relationship difficulties, the pressures of work or study, the expectations of others, etc. How are we to be fruitful in such times? And what does that mean?

The following passage has helped as I have wrestled with this topic.

‘I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinegrower. He removes every branch in me that bears no fruit. Every branch that bears fruit he prunes to make it bear more fruit. You have already been cleansed by the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me as I abide in you. Just as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing.’

John 15: 1 – 5

I have read these verses many, many times. Usually, the first couple of verses cause me great alarm. I certainly don’t want to be removed from the vine because I don’t bear any fruit. I really don’t want to be pruned either. But it is the following verses that bring me peace and focus.

My job is to abide.

Simply, to abide in Jesus. If I do that the fruitfulness question is answered, for then I will bear much fruit. In fact, it is not my job to worry about the fruit at all. All I need to do is to focus on God. To abide with Him, to dwell in his presence. To follow him, and to obey. That is enough. And when I focus on this, my fears subside. My worry that I am not doing enough disappears. And I learn, yet again, to trust in the one who knows me far better than I know myself.

That is not to say that abiding with Jesus is something that comes automatically to me. Nor that it is as easily accomplished as it is stated. Marion wrote about this so wonderfully in her previous post (you can find that here), and I am sure this is something we will return to time and time again. But my great longing is to abide in communion with God, not just day by day, but moment by moment.

And it is that to which I choose to give my focus.

Dear Jesus, you told us to abide with you just as you abide with us. That is the great longing of my heart. You are the greatest of teachers, please teach me, teach us how to do this. Teach us how to live in communion with you. For that is what we long for. Amen

So how about you? Is fruitfulness something that concerns you? What about significance? How have you learnt to abide with Jesus?

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